The idea for this week was brought to my attention by one of my role models and a friend. He challenged me to ask more questions last week, and because I have learned so much from the process, I am challenging you: go ask your boss what it would take to get a raise; ask your partner where they see the relationship in 10 years; ask your local business if you can promote your local business there; ask your neighbor if they would like to go for coffee. After my introduction to the idea and realization of the way that asking the right questions might improve my life, the podcast episode that I listened to last week, Modern Wisdom #761, emphasized this idea further. You should listen to the whole podcast, but around the first and last 15 minutes of this episode, they talk about asking questions.
This is very relevant to my life because right now is the first time in my life that I’ve ever had any consistent confidence in myself. Maybe this is an excuse, but I do believe that the power of questions increases with one’s power to act; I do not think that asking more questions would have helped me as much four years ago as it will now because action, not information, is what I needed most then. Thinking of it like a new business (not that I am a business expert or look to pretend to be one): yes, there are a lot of unknowns when first starting a business, but one cannot ask for feedback on a product before they even have an idea. What I am trying to say is that I think we need a starting point to attach our question.
I am learning that being able to ask questions is almost like a superpower. Effective communication is a superpower. I spoke about manipulation recently, and what makes manipulation powerful is the ability to lead others in the direction that you want. Sometimes, people do not need to be “coerced” into the direction that we want them to go. Sometimes, all it takes is one question. One might argue that a question can be a form of manipulation, but I think this comes with the intention behind the question. Also, it goes back to the line between persuasion and manipulation; it is like the line between advertisement and propaganda—extremes on the same spectrum. It can be hard to draw a line, especially without a specific context.
I think the simplicity of this idea leads many to be ignorant of their inability. Doing one full-range-of-motion squat is a simple task, but if someone has not done one in many years, they might not have the strength or agility to perform the exercise correctly. It seems simple: “Of course I can ask the question… if I need to.” However, if I gave you 5 minutes to think about the questions looming on your mind, would you generate at least ten meaningful questions to ask today? Questions to ask your partner, your boss, your friend, your father, yourself… How will you know if you do not ask? How much do these unknowns weigh down your subconscious, compound your uncertainty, limit your potential? Waiting to ask a question is like waiting for your car to run out of gas instead of checking your miles. Yes, sometimes a simple glance down can be hard. Gas is not cheap… However, neither is a weekly tow. Asking is so simple, yet I also understand that rejection is a unique pain. Luckily, it gets easier with exposure. If we could only see the acceptance before we applied, we might not fear the pain of a no. It is so easy to craft a story of how someone might retaliate or all the things that might go wrong, but our minds often fail to predict any future reality because we are emotionally based and computationally limited. And, even if everything goes horribly, there is still something gained; there is still knowledge. The question now at least has some solution. Again, it is so easy to fear what might go wrong, but if we can only imagine or, for a second, get a glimpse into what extraordinary things might come from a yes, how would we reconsider? A friend told me that to be successful, you have to have a product or know how to sell. Selling is not only limited to business or making money; it is the foundation of communication; it is the sharing of ideas and the connection between minds. I still feel discomfort when asking difficult questions. Forgetting about the ones that I am unsure of, I even still find discomfort in asking challenging questions that I know that I should ask. I’m learning that my fear of inconveniencing or irritating others is 9/10 times an excuse, a projection of my inability. Questions often lead both parties to new knowledge. It is selfish not to ask the girl to dinner!
Additionally,
This past semester, I’ve really been struggling with balancing my perfectionist, 100% attitude with optimizing meaningful work. If, at the end of the day, I can get a 95%, still earn an A in the course, and instead use that extra time for the 5% to do 20% somewhere else, I might net more. The mental fatigue, like I explained, in “Productivity” when crudely defining percentages, is not linear as we approach 100. At some point, we’re giving exorbitant amounts of energy for minor returns. Realizing the stage that I’m at and where I’m applying myself currently, these major investments don’t compound back into major returns—this is the stage that I’m at. Although I believe striving for 100% is one of the traits that will lead me to the top, right now, I’m at the point where the last 5% is often forgotten.
I was just reflecting on one of my grade school crushes… I will connect this to the conversation this week… For so long, I fantasized about some reality between the other person and myself. When I knew her, I know that I loved this girl, as much as a middle schooler can love a girl, but by staying in this fantasy and not projecting myself out into reality, I eventually found myself loving someone that I no longer knew. I began to hold feelings for someone that I had known in the past—for a person that did not exist and never could. By being an example of how bottling ideas and questions in the mind can be dangerous, this relates to the subject today. Questions are not only a tool to promote growth, but in many instances, they are required to maintain a healthy mental balance. Letting ideas fester unanswered is mentally corrosive. In this example, it led me to make mistakes, and I believe that it is a fuel that leads to many common regrettable actions.
In correlation, I am developing a “so what?” mindset. For example, I am thinking about my college application. If I do not get in, okay, so what? Maybe I asked the wrong question. Maybe I have more questions to ask. Maybe I am not supposed to be at that university. Maybe a mistake was made along the way. If I ask a genuine question and someone responds unexpectedly negatively, so what? I can only try my best; after that, what more can be asked of me? At best, we can only expect to have 100 years, so let’s just play! It is only a game, right? We give it such profound meaning because, to each of us, this life is what is most profound. We might try and transcend our lives with our living actions, but we all care first about ourselves, do we not? The symbol of Jesus, the perfect man, might be he who does not, but I challenge the existence of any man or woman that can, even for a moment, be altruistic in absolute purity. We should try and try hard, but we can only give our best. So what if we remain forever imperfect? If I fail for 30 years and then die, well, that was my hand, and I played it! Harsh, cruel, constrictive, most definitely! cynical, no! Listening to Modern Wisdom over the past year, I think it was Alex Hormozi that popularized the idea, at least in my mind, that everyone who hates you will die in time. So what if others object to your passion? Let’s just play hard and have some fun, no?
That is all I have for this week. It has been Tristan; It always will be Tristan! Goodbye!