I will start this week off by talking about the three types of confidence that I have observed over the past few days. The first two forms I’ve observed in my classmates. The last one I’ve observed in myself. The first form of confidence that I have observed in my classmates is what I might call compensatory confidence or unsecured confidence. This is a confidence that aligns with ego to produce someone who comes across awkwardly. Despite the awkwardness, I am unsure how the scales of this confidence effects lean (in favor of or against this individual’s desires). The second is a confidence that arises from a lack of insecurity or a resignation from the consideration of how one is perceived—this might be a “childlike” confidence. Most young children are not yet self-conscious or have the mind to consider what other people think of their actions. Adults who act like this are often childish, but not exclusively. Some personality types are further detached from external pressures, and some learn to create this distance. This leads me to my final observation: this is the confidence that I have observed in myself as I continue to foster experience. The world is big, but I am learning that it is not complicated. Even in Japan, where the culture is unique and the language is foreign to my own, I still observe the same framework that I am beginning to believe is foundational to all life, not only humans. I am beginning to see through the superficial plane of consciousness that we often pretend is absolute. What does this mean? I am unsure if I can explain it now, but this is the special meaning we perceive as humans, the value we often give to emotions (feelings that have no existential meaning), and the pretty colors we paint over the dark universe in which we exist. Underneath it all, there is something that is both simplistically beautiful and repulsive, and dreadful. I think of the mix of emotions that I get when I think about the internal organs of the body. Impressive, miraculous systems that fill me with a taste of disgust. Blood is what we are; I am afraid of blood on my skin.
On my run yesterday, I also had a thought of the heterogeneity that the world is destined, with progress, to experience. I believe that human culture, with the development of technology, is destined to erode as advancements are made. I am beginning to form a theory that culture is a temporary artifact of our imperfect intelligence and our imperfect, momentary manifestations of need. In a world of endless expanse where undiscovered land can be developed into idiosyncratic communities, culture exists, but as time creates advancements, with the increase of intelligence and the densification of people and computing, culture homogenizes, and the imperfections of society (culture) are tamed. Only if new colonies emerge or there is a destruction of the old, the way I see the world now, it cannot perpetuate. I fear the changing future, but I also accept its inevitability. If our world were truly endless, I believe this inevitability would be avoidable, but the earth that we live on is restrictive. The thing that I find most challenging is the question of where we go from here. I feel like we have three options: remain ignorant of future advancements, submit to the law of humanity, or self-impose regression, destruction. The answer might already be decided.
This week was short, but I enjoyed the conversation. I think I’ll end it here for today. This has been Tristan. It always will be Tristan. See y’all!
Additionally,
No matter where you stand, two rocks in the garden will always be hidden.
Are you someone who appreciates tradition or innovates? The world seems to seek both groups.