So this is it. This is the 52nd post on this blog! 1000 words a week. In this blog, there are over 52,000 words that I have written this year. This post will be the final post for my first year, and I have decided that it will be the final weekly post that I commit to. If I have an idea or the urge to narrate my thoughts in words, I will have this platform to turn to. For now, I want to express myself more in other mediums—I will be doing more vocal and visual expressions in place of textual. I aspire to achieve equal or greater outputs to what I have given here every week, but I plan to do something different. As cliche as it is, this is really a new beginning, not an end.
You might ask, “Why are you deciding to shift gears?” The simple answer is because I am not enjoying writing as much as I am enjoying video making and art. I do not necessarily see on as superior, but instead, I am more or less following my personal preference. Additionally, I feel more connected to other people when I produce content through other mediums. Here, the connection to my mind is very direct and absolute. Typed words offer clarity offered to them by their precision. The meaning of a word can be very contextual, but it is exact; with a lot of exact pieces of information, great detail and specificity can be translated. However, with this comes a decreased neuance and interpretation, placing much more of the emphasis on the writer than the reader. From this imbalance comes a vulnerability that is dissolved by the abstraction through interpretation of visual art or through the much more interactive flow of speech (spoken words have a tone, pitch, pace, and impermenence unlike words on a page). Again, one is not better than the other for communication unless we are speaking in terms of specifics (documentation of history is best recorded through text because of the precision of text; imagery is best illustrated with pictures because of the addition of color and space). These mediums are all the tools of artists. We could live in a world of only nails or screws, but we also construct with glue. Put everything together, and we might have a creation that is greater than any one alone. Contradicting myself, there is also a value to simplicity. In art, I currently believe that it is about finding the application, the tool, that gives the artist their personal greatest leverage in producing the most meaningful output. Input can be related to value, but the only real value is what is produced, the output. I can put a thousand hours into a book, but if I do not enjoy writing and I am focused on the work instead of what my book could provide my reader, the art becomes much less valuable. I am learning that the product is the value of any business, not the complexity of manufacturing. The same can be found in daily schedules—we can spend all day making dinner, but that is not going to put more food on the table tomorrow. Some more of this idea can be found in Modern Wisdom #801
I am simply trying something new, something that I believe I will enjoy and something that I believe will provide me with a more motivating output, an output that has more value. That isn’t to say that this blog has had no value. Even if I am the only one to ever read the words that I am writing, it has more than served a purpose. For the value alone that it provided me by being a consistent part of this last chapter of my life, it is invaluable. Writing weekly has kept me consistent; it has allowed me to express myself; it has been my therapy; and it has also been a partial documentation of my mind. Without the time that I have spent writing these words, I could have become the person I am today, so as I transition into something new, there is absolutely no regret or disappointment. I have learned about what it means to put myself out into the world, to create a website, to share, to express myself through writing, and to grow confidence around words. All of the processes and skills that I have developed I will take with me to make the next chapter that much more incredible! It has been wonderful, and now I must say goodbye for what is next.
This mushy stuff is starting to get lame, but the relationship I had here will always remain a very special part of my past. It has documented the most fast-paced, extreme year of my life so far. As a reader alone, the evolutions that I have gone through not only as a writer but as an ever adapting human in a dynamic world are profound to me. One example of this is with my diet. Another is with how in tune I am with my values. Another is a comfort that I have developed with myself and my future. All of these are active areas with more room for growth, but I have gained formative experiences. One of the areas that I will be focusing on is gratitude and emotional awareness. I want to improve how I interact with happiness and be more conscious of my emotions overall.
As I am transitioning through new environments and knowledge, I am turbulent right now. I am experimenting with relationships, continuing to learn new people, maturing with my friends, making new friends, planning my formal education, reshaping my physical health, and discovering what it is that I want most out of this life.
I have not read all 51 posts before this one recently. To anyone reading this now, let me explicitly express that even at the end of this experience and going into the future, I still have a lot to learn. I want this blog to remain a part of me, but it by itself marks a time in the past. Although, at this moment, I am unsure if every post will remain public forever, I never intend to ‘correct’ the words that I previously wrote here. May all my words remain free and unfiltered. Please recognize that I likely made many mistakes or lacked the knowledge to express my best self throughout time. If you are interested in returning to an old post or have read posts prior to this one, please try to recognize the whole context.
I had a reflection while listening to Modern Wisdom #822: I was likely sleeping poorly near the end of last year because of my low-carb diet, causing me to have low blood sugar early in the morning. They talk about this in the episode. I am also curious to know how increasing fat intake affects my mood. I am also becoming of the kind that intuitive eating while being aware of food quality (limits hyperpalatable foods and helps to regulate nutrient intake), macro balance (ensures a balance of energy nutrients, blood sugar, and recovery), quality sleep (regulates hunger hormones and maintains cognitive stability), routine exercise (corrects appetite signaling—#798 and helps maintain cardiovascular and muscular fitness), and emotional eating (illusory hunger used to distract or sooth) is the most ideal way to approach diet unless a specific body composition is desired (going to extremes requires an increasing precision depending on desired result). I will let you know how this goes. Calorie/macro counting will always be foolproof, but constantly managing this lifestyle is unrealistic for people without very specific health goals. This will give me something to return to in the future. One thing I learned about myself through this blog is that I rarely return to old ideas; I crave novelty.
The proud and magnificent train wreck as always! This has been Tristan. I will see you next week, but you might not see me here. It has been my pleasure to write for you, as I expect my service will continue to be. It is an ache and a relief to be unsure of hello’s return. Always my best. Goodbye!