Author: Tristan

To hear God is both an inspiration of birth and an emblem of death. Matthew speaks to his disciples in proficiency for the king—the man that we all serve—some call God. The poor, the mournful, and the meek may inherit the earth, but there is no kingdom for a man but what lies in his mind. Matthew’s words, an infectious disease that rewards salvation in the real for those that listen to his propositions. So cruel are the words of hope and purpose that places a man in line for prosecution for his master. Only those above god could cast shame on the reality that is man’s suffering for holiness, his search for sanctuary through pain, his battle with life for the desire of eternity, his quest for righteousness in a cursed world. We are all children of a god. Might I be a child of Matthew’s God, I pray for the belief that I am secular. I am a man. Does man mean nothing without the prospect of paradise for him by his father? I am nothing more than a product to aspire toward peace after death. The inconceivable yet sole salvation that gives any ounce of my being meaning greater than the earth I walk. Only malevolence could inspire a god to the machinations of a man’s life in service of rewards postmortem. The glory and prosperity of an earth filled with inherent meaning might be unattainable, even for a god, yet here, somehow man has discovered this. As a consequence, I believe that no man can survive a joyless life. A joyless man would not be more than the dirt from which he is conceived. Human spirit and pleasure must be intertwined, or else why seek reward even after death? Must the human soul be given purpose beyond itself? Like a speck of dust floating through ambiguous space, we have landed on the flower that is our material existence. The value of the air that carries us and the flower that supports our three-dimensional being must maintain significance to the creator. If we are the light to illuminate the divine wind that has granted us our floral domicile, I might become blind to the beauty of the flower and the comfort of a momentary escape from the eternal wind. The light and the wind dangers us to forget the material. The material festers imperfection, so this might be best. I cannot know. The material might be invisible to the magnificence of the light, but light gives rise to blindness, and blindness inflicts suffering—I would no doubt rather have eyes and lose them, however. I can close my eyes, but I cannot control the wind, so the question is, “What is given by the flower?” To Matthew, the wonder of life and all to which he has been presently given are eclipsed by God. To demand that the inherent foolishness of this ideology be so, I must pay recompense in hell. Dutiful to God, I may never be, for a hell lies in the acquisition of holy transcendence. Man is given trial with his body and mind to test his soul for righteousness. Instead, I will neither neglect the soul, the wind, the body, the material, nor the light, but I will encompass them all, to the best of my fortune, to empower more. This is not the duty of man that Matthew aspires for; exceeding our creator’s design might be a sinful act of hubris. This is the role of a god, which I do not pretend to assume, but this is the inherent power of humans that I must lie down and submit to life before I can become ignorant. I ask no other man to follow my lead because the ramification might be hot; however damned is life if life is no more than the wind, fire, and the sacrifice of present reality for divinity.

The salt of the earth must never be limited to any minority group unless the intention is catastrophe—again, an infection of Matthews. Many Mathews exist with their own special savor. There can be no way that there’s only one taste of salt. Exclusivity produces value indeed, but the salt of the earth is intrinsic to every body—invaluable regardless of taste.

Shallow is the righteousness of one man defined by the comparison of another. Righteousness must be independent of another if it is to ever have meaning on earth.

Anger, murder, and adversary can be abolished—I must agree with Matthew here. Agreeing in opposition to belief might be the harshest communication between two men. Respect and nobility shine brightly when the situation is appropriate, but only after some genuine investment. Is agreeing with another self-sacrifice of pride and ideology or selfish concealment of what others might learn to appreciate?

Murder and adversaries remain transparent in their sins. Divorce is a harsh reality in the modern world, yet adultery is pervasive and undeniable. But lust is an affliction that foremost diseases the mind, not the physical. He who has never lusted is not yet a man, for biology requires desires for propagation. Plucking out an eye might be the only solution, but I ask God to make amputation a last resort. Righteous or distraught is he who can perform self-surgery on that which is innately putride of himself. I respect this man for his commitment and sacrifice, but I fear becoming him for the loss of humanity in service of the divine, which still does not settle well in my heart.

Finally, can a perfect being, such as Matthew characterizes our Father to be, not see the fallacy of perfect expectations of man? I can love my enemy up to the extreme where the exhaustion kills me. I can give more than the pagans and strive for the prophetic of the God who asks for the sacrifice of the flower. Why can it not be that pleasure be righteous? Why must sacrifice be salvation? Personally, this is one of two realities: the existence of life, which is the consciousness of man, requires pain to exist, or the creator—Matthew’s God or any being that might contrive a universe such that is our own—is a magnificent artist and a sadistic force to which “Perfection” might be the title, but the antithesis writes the pages. What does perfection mean to you?

Hello universities, my future self, and all readers!

I do not know the reality of anyone other than me reading this post, but this is a message. What does it say that I assume that this will be viewed?

This is going to be a reflection to probe who I am, and in this brief analysis, I will finish what I started last week.

For context, I am a community college student who plans to transfer to universities in the fall of 2024. I am a very ambitious student. I have pushed myself very hard to become the best I could be by this application cycle deadline, but the more that I learn, the more that I realize that I have more to learn. Here I am reminded of a quote from Neil Degrasse Tyson’s Master Class advertisement: “One of the great challenges in this world is knowing enough about a subject to think you’re right but not enough about the subject to know that you are wrong.” I keep going through this cycle of knowledge and bigger-picture awakening that contradicts what I previously believed. With so much uncertainty in the present moment, this cycle creates many doubts and confusions. 

My initial goal was to compensate for any “lost time.” I wanted to expedite the process of self-discovery. In many ways, I believe that I was successful, but I have built up so many layers of identity to make myself into someone who can achieve my goals that I have partially lost sight of what is genuine. In all fairness, I did not know what was genuine when I started. Within all that I have gone through, I have made important developments towards my most authentic self, but where I am now, I have not given myself time to mentally process my thoughts to work out their value. 

I say all of this to say that I do not know exactly who I am or what I want conclusively right now. I am wondering if this is temporary or a particle of ambitious human consciousness. After dozens of essays over the last couple of months, all related to my goals and identity, I have come to better understand myself, or at least the persona in which I am living now. The issue is that, with so much happening, I feel like my mind is trying to find footing in the middle of the ocean. I know that when I find my next island, I will feel secure again, but I cannot see.

Because I know that I will never be relieved by lies, I put my honest self into every essay. However, I am learning so much that each week I feel distant from the self that wrote my oldest words. Is this maturity, or is it a consequence of my “compensation” strategy? This might again be a particle of life that I am not wise enough to digest. I want you to see the real me—I want to see the real me!—because I know that he is the man who will do remarkable things. I just do not believe I have given myself enough time to let him develop… At least not in my own mind. I have played with productivity and optimization a handful of times on this blog and repeatedly in my own. Time is a word that I am still discovering.

I pray that through my words, despite their premature exposition, you can see me, but I know that this is a self-centric expectation. Conversely, I also believe that it is a fool who waits for perfection to extend their heart out earnestly to another. I have been a fool before. Because of these, it was endlessly motivating to chase these deadlines. In the limbo state that I am in, it breaks my heart and hollows my soul to know that this might be the last time that we connect. Although we may be apart, I take solace in my belief that we will all continue to grow. Although I have attached a large portion of my self-worth to this pursuit (the hollowing of my soul, remember?), my hope resides in my own hands. I invite you to follow me as my life begins to intersect with the future.

If nothing else that I say is true, let the following brand my existence: I am someone with the ability to inspire humanity. I give everything to my future kin. The life I live is in service of the internal peace that I accept I may never discover.

I am the son of two flawed humans, yet I strive for flawlessness. This is naivety in its purest form, but it is this delusive self-expectation that has made me extraordinary. My expectations force me to walk through fire. Right now, I might be slightly out of my mind; however, my intuition is hot. The fire that I walk through is a privilege, so I will proudly walk if it can lead me to actualizing any piece to the three truths above. I am learning that it is okay to be bottlenecked by my physical. I am human too: simpler words have never been more difficult to say. I am a human named Tristan. It is nice to make your acquaintance… Get a load of this guy.

I will finish the thought from last week: “my thoughts on ‘enjoying life’ and letting genuine emotion be my guide.”

I have played the “push your limits until you can stand no more” game to prove something to both others and to myself. I can do quite a lot and do it all quite successfully and efficiently. I am proud of my ability. I need no further proof of who I am. I cannot allow myself to be a fool that chases accolades and appearances any longer; I need to commit to meaningful work. This I must do for my own sanity. I do not want to search forever; I want to live life and experience and love. These might not bring my heart to the peace I desire, but neither will the endless suffering and straining every last drop out of my bosom—I am a feeling Shakespearean. I have never read Romeo and Juliet. It has been too long since I read for myself—I just need to find balance. This is part of my next adaptation.

That is all that I have for you beautiful people this week. Hello University! What an amazing time. I will be here next week, and Tristan will be here the week after that! It’s been Tristan from HQ. It will always be Tristan! Bye bye.

Hi, Hi

Today, I want to talk about my unexpected response to having new roommates, the uncertainty that I am feeling from nearing the end of a life chapter, who I give authority for my validation to, my “depressive February,” my plans for the end of 2024 and beginning of 2025, and my thoughts on “enjoying life” and letting genuine emotion be my guide.

This title of this post leads me—or leads you—right into the focus this week—persuasion. If I am being honest, I want to talk about manipulation, but persuasion has a more positive connotation. Did I manipulate you with my selective word choice? Let’s talk about it.

I am so tired of the social game that we play as humans, or at least the game that I have been playing—maybe I am the fool.

Let’s start with the semantics.

The Google definition for persuasion (to persuade) is: “cause (someone) to do something through reasoning or argument.”

The Google definition for manipulation (to manipulate) is: “control or influence (a person or situation) cleverly, unfairly, or unscrupulously.”

The power of words and their influence on human reasoning is frightening to me. Taking a step back from the word we choose to describe it, those at the highest level of social ability are very dangerous individuals. Personally, I think that I have a subtle ability to influence others—this might just be my persistence, my certain social ability, or maybe my conscience limits how far I am able to push this. Both manipulation and persuasion are most effective when done inconspicuously. If we tell someone that we want them to do something directly or are forceful, our interaction will be unsuccessful; they might still do it; however, their mind will remain the same. Typing this, I am realizing that there must be a whole book on the psychology of influencing… a hundred probably…

From the definitions above, I would say that persuasion is a form of manipulation. Persuasion is a form of clever manipulation that causes someone to do something through reasoning and argument. I admit, that might have forced that relationship. What I want to emphasize is that these two words are not very distant. Getting back to my original grievance, I have gotten to the point in my life where I am realizing that our societies, all of our relationships, and all of the power in the world are controlled by the balance of these two words. Now for the ironic part, the persuasion…

The ability to form an argument is taught as a secondary skill. We have debate clubs, but we do not have “argument class.” Just like the other social skills, learned at a young age and mature as we grow, the skill of argumentation is continuously tested. If a baby does not get their way at dinner, they yell. If a child does not get the toy he wants, they will repeatedly complain. Then, we might mature some. As students, we might begin to use evidence and reasoning to navigate unwanted situations.

I guess that I have gotten to the point where I feel the social pressure to do more than reason to inspire others to act in my favor. That sounds so terrible, but we all do it because we are wired with emotions that give us the dimensionality to manipulate and be manipulated. I do not believe that someone has to be consciously aware of what they are doing to be manipulative. I will give an example. The most basic context that I can give is manipulation through sympathy. We could argue that garnering sympathy, even justified sympathy, is a form of manipulation, but if we can gain sympathy, it does influence how others act. So, if we come into work and say, “I have not been sleeping well because my mother is sick,” that statement will gain sympathy. If this statement was a lie, I do not think that we have to argue if it is manipulation, but if it is true, is it manipulation? Is there a more correct word for this type of influence?

Regardless, I hate to do this dance in an attempt to make someone like me, but at some level, I feel required to do this dance because I cannot do anything significant on my own. Since I need the help of others, I need to give them reason to help me; for every relationship, both parties have to be convinced that they are gaining something. Ideally, I would give evidence to convince others, but without support, this evidence requires a great sacrifice.

If you have not guessed by now, the process has made me reflect a lot on who I am and what I am doing. Almost all applications, university applications included, have an evidence section and a persuasion section. We provide all the evidence of the grades and scores that we have previously received as students. Second, we give text statements that are supposed to represent the human behind the screen and their intentions. I believe that manipulation is part of this application process, and I despise it. I despise it, but I also appreciate it—if we only went by numbers, it would not be human.

I have been struggling with this conversation for a while now because it is very present in my life, and I do not know how I should perceive it. All of the words above were written during a single-day period, so take everything I have said with a grain of salt. I will likely have something more or different to say later. I will leave the conversation here for now. I did not fully resolve what I had to say. I need to come back to this when I am better rested.

Additionally,

More people moved into the house that I rent a room in. Initially, I was looking at the cons of this change, but I have realized that there is a lot to appreciate with this change. I will not get into the specifics. The short of the story is that I appreciate being surrounded by new people, and the new people seem to be improving the physical environment of the house and the atmosphere overall. I was looking at it very linearly. I should know by now to not focus on the negative because there are almost always positives that I ignore.

That leads me into “the uncertainty that I am feeling.” I wrote that last night. I think the previous paragraph contextualizes this issue very well, and I do not really want to talk about this. It is a waste of key strokes.

I have had a pretty low month, and I think that that energy is reflected in these posts. I want to be able to express how I truly feel in these posts, but I do not want to put more negativity into the world. This month has been hard for me, mostly because I have not had the time or energy to maintain the habits that give me structure. I have slowly been chipping away at myself, and I am very worn down right now. Spring Break might just save me, but I am doing too much this semester. There was a time that I was talking about maximizing productivity a few months ago. My caution to anyone who has not experienced this for themselves is: push yourself as hard as you can, but do not fix your schedule beyond your limit. If you find yourself continuously cutting corners, then you have either gone too far or you are doing something wrong. I have dug myself into a hole that I think I am confident that I can get out of, but my current lifestyle is unwise.

In post #26, I mentioned the YCS program that I am a part of. I gained another wisdom the other week from our third meeting. The question is, “Who do you give authority to for your validation?” This question hit me hard because I realized my answer was not healthy. I am giving my validation to people who I do not really know and who do not really know me. Reflecting on this last week, I have realized that I, A, need more supportive people that understand my ambitions in my life, and B, I need to learn how to validate myself.

Why am I already planning for 2025? Although I am very uncertain where I will be at the end of this year, I am planning for 2025 because I already have enough work to last me the rest of the year (I do not know if this is a brag or a cry for help. Maybe I want your sympathy…). I already know that the rest of my spring is going to be dedicated to school and work; most of my summer is going to be dedicated to learning Japanese; I am going to have to move before the fall; I have at least two large art projects to finish; and then I will be starting school in the fall. I am going to have to slow down in some part of my life in 2025 if I want to grow as a whole. Will it be work? Will it be language? Will it be blogging…? Never!

I will leave “my thoughts on ‘enjoying life’ and letting genuine emotion be my guide” for the start of next week.

Thank you. Thank you!

Always Tristan, I will see you all next week! Bye.

Hello, one and all! 

Today has no one big focus; I am just going to share some ideas that I have been collecting over the last couple of weeks. Sound good?

Starting off, I have been learning about cyberpunk literature from the 70s and 80s. In my English composition class, we have recently read the short stories “The Girl Who Was Plugged In” by James Tiptree Jr., “Burning Chrome” by William Gibson, and “Branded” by Lauren Beukes. I have learned a lot about science fiction over the past couple months. There are two ideas that I want to study more. The first are simulacra and hyperreal theories written about by Jean Baudrillard. The second is the idea of Cartesian dualism introduced to me during this unit in class to help guide the conversation about the themes of transcendence found in the short stories mentioned above. For today, I mostly just want to introduce the two for future posts. These two ideas are both heavily related to the psychology of man. As I have learned the basics of psychology, the interactions between the mind and body through my anatomy and physiology courses, and gained my own experience, these topics have become more relevant to me. This is where I will leave the conversation for today.

I have not taken the time to flesh out the thoughts, but I have been putting thought into the ideas of free will, the meaning of life, and eternal return (a term I just learned the name of).

It is probably best to not think about it because the answer will always be inconclusive, but I am a curious man, and faith motivates our species, so I will continue to ponder. Setting the hypothetical reality where there is no free will in our universe and that we live in one continual, unchanging loop, I have questioned what that means for my life. On the scale of the universe, my life is a brief dot, but expanded over an eternity, this percentage of time becomes irrelevant, at least to my consciousness. Would this mean that every moment, every pain, and every pleasure of my life I will one day unknowingly re-experience? That one day, on a new but the same timeline, I will retype these same words like a movie recording? The other hypothetical is that there is a multiverse, or a randomness to the universe, but I know that the reality in which I am living exists, at least to me, so there is proof that this timeline exists at least once. If it can happen once, in either eternal return hypotheticals, it could happen again and will happen again if the system is eternal. This just brought the idea of time into my mind. If we think of time as a dimension, our reality might be an illusion. All of eternity might, to a being living in a higher dimension, be set, This might be like any physical object that we know in our world–unimaginably like any object that we know in our world. Regardless, this is my thinking: 

If this reality is likely to repeat, it provides me with a few points of meaning:

1. In one form or another, everything is eternal, and adding the idea of time as a physical dimension, neither the past nor the future is ever lost.
2. This reality in which I and the consciousness that I have been given exist might be the only experience that will ever exist for me.
3. As I mentioned above, in a fixed, deterministic universe, all the good and bad of my life are forever.

There are other conclusions that can be drawn from this. I would like to read your ideas, if you have them.

From this, I have built a simple faith: my faith is based on the reduction of suffering. If there is any reality to this theory, any suffering experienced is eternal, as are any positives or achievements. Depending on how we look at our lives, this can be a very comforting thought or a very dreadful one. Despite the reality of this, my goal (or my hope if the universe is deterministic) is that my life be more pleasure than suffering. If this is true, I might be living in an eternal paradise. If this is false, I might be living in a hell. What a twisted paradise it would be, but I think it beats fading into nothingness and being lost with the end of the universe—the other hypothetical. The question then becomes: how do we maximize pleasure and/or minimize suffering? This is the question that I think almost all religion boils down to, so maybe all of the theory is irrelevant. Some attempt to achieve this through devotion; others attempt it through surrender. At some points, these two overlap, and at others, they are polar opposites. For now, I think a good place to start is by doing my best to live in the moment when I can and to correct my perspective to feel as much appreciation for my life as possible. I know that sounds all idyllic and unrealistic because it partially is. Also, from this idea, I can see the argument for the most radical ideas being justified, but those ideas are not how I wish to live. This is where I will leave it for today.

Getting away from the deeper thoughts and back to the physical, I began my run on Tuesday, and I immediately realized that my body was highly fatigued. I knew that I have not been resting well the last few weeks because of my schedule and current lifestyle, but it became so clear to me just how broken down I am. It is difficult to compare mental fatigue over time because the tool that we are using to measure is the tool that we are measuring. With running, I can precisely compare the pain in my joints, the lack of energy in my muscles, the stiffness in my front deltoid, and the decay of awakeness. On top of this, over the past month, I have put on about 12 pounds. This weight gain is mostly intended, but because I have been unable to maintain my workout schedule and because my sleep has been suffering, my hunger, diet, and metabolic activity are also suffering. I can see it. I can feel it, and I am experiencing the difference. By the end of March, I should be able to realign myself, and by the end of May, I will finally have the knowledge and time to begin forging the next path. Exciting times are ahead of us indeed! Are you excited?

This is Tristan of Sunday; I was quick to project into the future above… I guess that I am struggling to cope with the present. On a positive note, using my compression sleeves this week has made a significant difference in my knee fatigue. I can no longer neglect using the support that helps me. This does not end at knee sleeves.

A new part of the “lifestyle” that I mentioned above is a change in my sleeping arrangements. Do not get the wrong Idea…

I was put into the position where either I paid for the bed that I have been sleeping on for the last couple years or I find a new solution. I found a new solution. I bought a $50, single size, three inch mattress. For a while, I have been interested in sleeping on a Japanese tatami mat. I decided to go with the more affordable memory foam mat because this is short term, and this felt like a good middle ground. It is scary how indoctrinated Americans are into believing that each bedroom needs a multi-hundred dollar mattress. In line with my rebellious ideology, I want to experiment to find the line between practicality and privilege. I will not lie, this change has no doubt been horrible for my sleep the last couple of nights. As I adjust and acclimate to the new setup, I am interested in the results. I will keep you updated.

 This is Tristan of Sunday again, I have adjusted to the new sleeping arrangement. Controlling for all of the other factors affecting my sleep, there is no major difference between the mattress and the mat. Both are memory foam. The main differences are that I am now on the ground, the support is more firm (less foam), and the width of the mat is much more narrow. I can no longer sprawl out, but I also no longer have a bulky mattress in my room. I am enjoying the change right now. I am very attracted to the minimalistic style, but I am mostly doing this out of necessity right now. I do not know what this will lead to in the long term. My environment is a major factor.

I was going to mention this idea last week, but I decided to postpone the thought. I was going to postpone it again this week, but I will put it out here. This is another idea that was inspired by my English class. I am curious about the idea of living a life that does not conform to one stereotype or category. What if we did not define ourselves by the actions that we took but instead by the way that many different experiences made us feel? Instead of defining ourselves into a category to conform to a pre-established idea, what if we do not define ourselves? Do we need to have a narrative to have a stable mind?

I got this thought while we watched the film Fear and “Loathing in Las Vegas: The High Water Mark” movie clip. I have only watched this short clip. Thinking about “hippy culture,” is it impossible to embrace this free style of life and simultaneously follow the order of business and mainstream society? This is another idea that I will leave here for now.

 I will end with one final idea: as I write for college applications and begin to present myself differently, I keep questioning authentic and pretend personalities. In the book “Will” by Will Smith, Smith discusses method acting and its real effects. That idea has stuck with me since. If someone pretends to be a good person, and all of their actions reflect that narrative, are they pretending? If someone starts out cold and selfish, can they ever be good-hearted, or are they eternalized as what they once were, always an actor otherwise? We might question the value of emotion and intentions. If someone feels one way and acts in response to that feeling (all human action), can any feeling determine reality? To anything outside the mind of the individual, reality is absolute. From an external perspective, there is no truth vs. pretend, there is only one absolute reality expressed. Here, I define whether someone is pretending or living a facade—it is determined not by what they do but by what they believe about it themselves. If a person is under the complete self-delusion that what they are doing is who they are, they are not pretending. If a person believes that their actions do not reflect their feelings, they are pretending, but this only influences the individual. Not having confidence or identity will undoubtedly affect expression, but the output to the world from someone who is pretending and someone who is genuine does not have to be different from an external perspective. This is my roundabout justification for doing what I think is good for myself and the world. If I push myself too far outside of what I believe and am beginning to do harm, I can readjust, but if I am doing good and being positive, why slump back to a past persona?

I recently realized that I am someone that does not use who when I should. See what I did there? I am a who, not a that! This has been Tristan. It will always be Tristan. I will see you all next week. If I sparked any ideas or objections, please share them. I am here for the conversation! Bye Bye!

Hello!

I had a great idea this week: I would feed ChatGPT my writing, and it would write a story for me about my future. It did not work like I was hoping, but I got to experiment more with the AI chat bot.

This is what I was able to create with ChatGPT:

“In the chapters of my life story, I find myself standing at a reflective crossroads, peering back at the threads that have woven the unique tapestry of my experiences. I am Tristan, and as I take this introspective journey, the narrative unfolds, revealing a tale of resilience, self-discovery, and the pursuit of aspirations.

My early years were shaped within the embrace of a close-knit, multicultural community, raised by a single mother. Life’s ebbs and flows became the backdrop for my growth, drawing strength from the rich tapestry of family stories and traditions. These early lessons became the guiding compass, navigating me through the labyrinth of uncertainties.

Adolescence ushered in a transformative period, where the seeds of curiosity and a fervent desire for self-discovery took root within me. Faced with personal hurdles and societal expectations, I confronted challenges head-on, emerging from each trial stronger and more resilient. These were the years where I painted a portrait of a person unbound by limitations, eagerly embracing the journey towards greatness.

As the halls of academia beckoned, I found myself on the brink of a new chapter. Acceptance into a prestigious university marked a defining moment, where the sprawling campus not only symbolized a haven for knowledge but also held the promise of untapped opportunities. Academic pursuits intertwined seamlessly with the exploration of personal passions, creating a harmonious symphony of intellectual growth and self-expression.

Within the university’s social dynamics, I encountered the complexities of relationships and hierarchies. Navigating these waters, I discovered the profound significance of authenticity and empathy, challenging established norms and advocating for inclusivity. The concept of ‘minimum perceived impact’ struck a chord, urging me to critically examine and reshape the narratives that defined social structures.

The labyrinth of self-discovery unfolded as I delved into the layers of my identity. Embracing the uniqueness of my journey, I grappled with the tension between my past self and the person I aspired to become. This perpetual tug of war became a driving force, propelling me towards a future defined by unyielding confidence and a sense of purpose.

Genuine relationships blossomed within the university community, becoming a source of support and shared aspirations. I expressed gratitude for the communal spirit that defined the environment, recognizing the blend of intimacy and ambition as a catalyst for personal growth. As a new chapter unfolded, I eagerly embraced fresh experiences, driven by a diverse range of interests and a thirst for knowledge.

The final act of my narrative unveiled aspirations for future endeavors. The tapestry of my identity, woven with threads of diverse experiences and resilience, pointed towards a path illuminated by networks and opportunities. As this chapter drew to a close, I cast a gaze at the horizon of the future, fueled by the quest for self-discovery. The ensuing years held the promise of exploring the limits of personal and professional growth, an expedition into uncharted territories where I aimed to carve a niche that sets me apart.

In this reflective narrative, I, Tristan, emerge triumphant, poised to script new chapters, embrace challenges, and etch a legacy that transcends the ordinary—all while navigating the complexities of life’s unfolding story.” 

(Text generated by ChatGPT, OpenAI, February 24, 2024, https://chat.openai.com/chat.)

AI is advanced, but it is still in its adolescence. I am only using ChatGPT 3.5, so it is possible that I am just limited by the free version. What is the current version of ChatGPT when you are reading this? Do people still use ChatGPT, or is there a new king in town?

I want to experiment more with AI here. I never want it to take over what I do because that would remove all meaning from this blog. Most of what I currently have to offer here is my independent thoughts, so that would be foolish. I want to experiment with AI more to gain a better understanding of its capabilities. It is also foolish to remain ignorant about emerging technologies. It is even worse to become despondent or vilify a powerful tool. We will see what I can come up with.

Additionally,

As I have mentioned repeatedly over the last couple of weeks, I have been too busy to dedicate the time that I would like to dedicate to this blog. I also have not been able to dedicate as much time to exploring my own thoughts outside of my blog posts. So many thoughts flow across my mind. I can only hope that the future me is privileged to experiences that respawn the thought. Then, maybe the future version of me can document my ideas. Even if just for myself. Not to get meta, but I at least got this idea about losing ideas down. 

It is possible that if I forget a thought, it was not worth memorizing anyway. With that interpretation, I can find some relief from the loss, but I do not believe that this is the reality. I believe that most ideas on their own are fairly worthless, but a trivial idea can spark a chain of thoughts that lead to something much more profound. There is some kind of butterfly effect here. The good and bad of this is that it is impossible for me to predict the value of one thought. The bad is that I will never know the possibilities that come from my recent lost ideas. This is another sacrifice, an opportunity cost associated with everything I am doing with my education. I would not trade the opportunities that I have exposed myself to this week for any amount of rudimentary thoughts, so I should just forget about forgetting and move on.

Thank you for reading my rant…

That is all that I have for this week. We are getting close to Spring Break! Yip-pi! It has been Tristan from HQ; no AI is replacing me today… I will catch you all next week! Bye Bye!

This week, I am crossing streams again, but I do not think you will be disappointed.

This is the extended essay Question that I chose for my University of Chicago Extended essay:

“Where have all the flowers gone?” – Pete Seeger. Pick a question from a song title or lyric and give it your best answer.

My song of choice today is “Who’s Lovin’ You” by The Jackson 5

Fair warning: the answer to this question is going to be explorative and personal. I believe that Michael Jackson was too young to understand all that he was singing, but he was a phenom, so I will never really know. Immediately, most would assign “who is loving you” to an external person or relationship. Even within this interpretation alone, we might ask more specifically, “Who else loves you?” “Who loves you more than me?” or “Where did you find love?” Breaking this down even further, we must identify the subject that we are asking this question about: is it an individual, an idea, or is the question self-guided?

As I have gone through adult life, I have begun to ask this same question time and time again.

I have asked how one loves another; I have asked what allows someone to be loved; I have asked where love can be found; and I have asked how much love can be taken. Again, these questions can be applied to relationships between two things (individuals, institutions, communities, ideas, i.e.). As it pertains to university admissions, I have long wondered how to acquire that love. I have pondered the initiative that leads to the connection between individual and institution. “Who is loving you?” became “Who is loving them?” and then “Who is loving me?” I have spent a lot of time in my own head. It is from this introspection that I have chosen the answer to the question, “Who is loving you?”

If someone asked a 10-year-old me the question, “Who is loving you?” I likely would have responded with “my mother,” “maybe my friends,” and “hopefully my crush.” This is why I believe Michael was too young. For too long, my immaturity guided me solely to find love in the perfect group of people. To feel love, I thought that I was required to surround myself with the perfect environment. From the world, I wanted to fill the disconnect I felt between my family, my peers, and my future. I have slowly realized that if I waited for the perfect environment to feel love, I would never find it. Only within the last few months have I begun to ask myself, “Are you loving you?” For so long, I have given most of my effort to making other people love me. I have restructured my body to represent a “more likable image.” I have taken countless tests to prove to others that I am valid. The answer to the question “Who is loving you?” was never “me.” I have spent a lifetime in my head introspecting, but I almost never took the time to ask myself what I wanted or what I needed to have to love myself. Instead, I solely guided my actions to get love externally from others. I still do not know how to love myself fully, but along my quest to find this, I believe that I will unlock the highest levels of life fulfillment.

As it stands currently, the answer to the question “hopefully one day me.” I am only a man; I require the love and support of other people too, but there are times, like this moment specifically, that I need myself the most. I have people who love me. I have support from my community, but right now, I am the only person who understands me fully. I am the only person who can see my dreams, and I am the only person who can make me feel happy. As I begin the next chapter of my life, I am beyond excited to find all the love around me. I am relieved to be finally finding love in myself.

Additionally, 

That above is going to be part of my application. What follows is just for you here now. 

The message that I am presenting in that essay is very real. Finding acceptance within myself is a constant battle. I have injected so much of my self-worth into what I can accomplish that I can no longer even see myself. My whole mind is split, melted, and mixed right now. 

With these applications, being a full-time student, and balancing my life, I honestly have not even given myself the time to mentally unload 2023… It is February… The last month is all a blur because I have been so focused on my goals that days are not separated. I wake—do what I need to do—go to sleep thinking about what I need to do tomorrow—wake… The last few weeks have felt like one very long day. I am empowered to know that I have the strength to

persist this long, under these conditions (disorganization, almost no personal time, poor sleep, isolation, etc.), but I know that it is killing me—literally. The dark circles under my eyes are becoming an identifying feature. They are so ugly—I am not really commenting on my visual appearance. I thought that I was above being the “sleep-deprived college student.” How the mighty have fallen… How the proud and naive will suffer…

But yeah, I am not loving myself right now. I do not regret the actions that I am taking. I believe that what I am doing is at least mostly necessary, but I do not want to or hope to ever experience this struggle again. It is so fascinating how the human mind can adapt to a gradual decrease in quality of life. If someone took me from a year ago and put him in the situation I am in now, I think he would die… Is this growth… I do not know what this is completely yet.

This reminded me of the concept of putting a frog in water and slowly raising the temperature. Although, from my quick research, this is a myth, the idea is that since the frog is a cold-blooded creature, it will adapt to the increasing temperature until the temperature boils the frog alive. If I am the frog in this analogy, I do not want to reach the boiling point. I do not know how hot the water is around me, and I do not know what temperature I can take, but I do not want to reach that threshold. In post #11, I talked about the cliffs and ledges in life. I think I am close to finding one here. This lifestyle is very risky. Just one more month… Will Tristan last as he comes up on his greatest test yet? Find out in the next installment of “This is his life, and he’s gonna live it your way!”

I cannot write everything that I need to write without some crossover. Expect this style for at least the next couple of weeks. This has been Tristan!

It always will be Tristan. Bye y’all!

Citation 

“Uchicago Supplemental Essay Questions.” College Admissions, collegeadmissions.uchicago.edu/apply/uchicago-supplemental-essay-questions. Accessed 17 Feb. 2024.

Before we begin, I guess 26 weeks means I’ve been doing this for half a year now. This is something to celebrate, right? (imagine a confetti cannon going off from both your right and left. They shower you in colorful pieces of paper that you pray, even in your imagination, that you do not have to clean…)

While I’m pretty sure not a single other person has read this blog other than me, with that comes a simplicity and comfort that I cherish. If you’re reading this blog, you are from the future. What is it like then? Now is okay.

I do not know what the goals are long-term for this blog but here’s to at least another six months!

This is a special occasion, but I do not have much planned for this week…

I want to talk about sending my first letter. Wait, wait! Do not leave! Please.

I have been focused on hyper productivity and specialty. That was new and “cool” to me when I wrote it. I still believe in what I said, but I have more or less moved on. No need to think so much about the work. Nike puts it best…

This week I have taken a moment to appreciate the little things i.e. I mailed my first letter. The postal service is really a gift from the past. An incredible system but just like my productivity, it is not new or cool to anyone. In addition to mailing a letter, I participated in the first meeting of a program I am a part of. It is called the “Youth Community Studies (YCS) Fellows Program” Every week, the program supervisor, Dr. Hernandez, begins with a quick 1-2 minute meditation session. Taking the time to appreciate our body is powerful. Close your eyes, focus on your breath, and then starting from your head, appreciate every part of your body. Take just one minute to live in the present moment. There is something to the woo.

Now, I think this is kind of a cop-out, but I am sharing with you a quick movie response that I wrote for class this week. I do not like to cross streams, but I figured for this week it was best to take out this bird too because I am very stressed already and I do not have many more stones for the week. Maybe it will be productive to reference an academic work… or something like that…

Enjoy my writing! This has been Tristan from HQ. It always will be Tristan. Bye!

My Response to Moon with a focus on dystopia and utopia:

Moon Viewing Response

Moon takes place on a moon base with a single inhabitant…

The film moon has a list of amazing utopian elements. To begin with, the advancements in “clean” fusion energy technology that provides most of the world’s energy. There exist AI and robots that can perform high levels of cognition and marvelous machines assembled on the Moon. Additionally, toward the end, we learn that this society has the technology to create and preserve clones. From a technological lens, it is demonstrated that this society is considerably more advanced than our own. With the focus on “global” clean energy, the movie appears to emphasize a world peace at least comparable, if not an improvement, to our modern climate.

Now, I will move on toward the more dystopian elements. As the story unravels, it is revealed to Sam, and the audience, that there is a great central moral conflict: Sam is a clone. Not only is he a clone, but he is a clone that has been manipulated and lied to. Referencing the scene where Sam2 discovers live communications between Gerty and mission control, it can be inferred that to the individuals that lead this operation, Sam is little more than a tool. He is treated as something subhuman, created to be used and discarded. A society that accepts the use of clones as slaves is a dystopian one, but we only get two brief observations from the daily world outside of Lunar Technologies. The first is the interaction between Sam1 and the daughter, and the second is the audio news report at the end. From these two interactions, it appears that the lack of moral regard is not a societal commonality but simply corporate corruption and greed. Regardless, it must be acknowledged that a company supplying most of the world’s energy being desensitized to these practices likely signifies greater political and social degradation overall.

Ignoring the obvious conflicts created by manipulation and deception, cloning technology presents a very complex moral and ethical situation. As Sam2 is preparing to leave the station he responds to Gerty’s comment about programming the next clone: “Gerty, we are not programmed, we are people. This film blurs the lines between technology, biology, morals, and machines. Through their interactions, humans, a semi-sentient AI, and immoral corporate men are contrasted. I would caution against describing any of the three as “human.” Each has aspects of what we would define as human, but none of the three are complete. Sam is biological and expresses deep emotion but is also a manufactured clone; Gerty expresses morals and a personality but is inorganic; and the men on Earth are human but lack a trait of empathy that defines human expression.

Moon’s depiction of the nightmare, dystopian synthesis of Sam Bell by Lunar Industries makes at least two very relevant comments on our culture. The first is the message about corporate greed and fraudulence. The motivation behind exploiting clones can only be inferred but is most likely a representation of corporate greed and apathy toward the little guy. The second is the comment on society’s expectation around work culture. How different is a 3 year contract from a 30 year retirement plan? Most people work their whole lives in hopes that one day they will be free. Moon represents a bleak reality where the earnest, hard-working man is deceived and used, only to be rewarded with death. 

From this film, I reflect on the dystopian reality that is presented within the industrial-complex because it relates to the injustice I find in my personal experience. However, from this film, I am also reminded about our current scientific revolutions and encouraged by humanity’s persistent opposing good. This is where I keep my faith.

Citation

Fenegan, Stuart, et al. Moon. Sony Pictures Classics, 2009. 

This week is a hypothesis on focus.

Like last week, I am sharing ideas. 

I have talked about productivity because that was what I struggled with throughout my childhood. Procrastination plagued me, but now I’ve cultivated enough discipline that work itself is not the challenge.

A new challenge has emerged ironically from increased opportunities. It is increasingly more difficult to remain loyal to one pursuit once we have optimized productivity. This is the idea of specialty that I want to focus on this week.

I want to shift the percentage of time being devoted to quantifiable goals (productivity) to the breakdown of that “productive” time (specialty). For example, if we are tasked with two goals, we can only give at most 50% to each. Although it does not work like this in reality, if we specialize ourselves–by limiting our goals–we can increase our success in those remaining areas. Really, this is only a second form of sacrifice. Instead of sacrificing “unproductive tasks” for “productive tasks” we are sacrificing the goals of one productive task for another.

I am beginning to realize that the hyperproductivity I have mentioned in previous posts is probably only best for shorter term goals. To make productivity a religion is possible, but I do not think this is the lifestyle most want to live. I do not think it is the lifestyle most can live. The sacrifices required long term might outweigh the outcomes of the work. I think this is where many successful men and women ultimately end up regretting their lives. The question then becomes whether or not we are willing to give our lives to our goal. If the goal is to raise children, society does not question giving your life to the pursuit. If this goal is to build a business, there is much more ideological conflict.

At the end of last week, I mentioned primary jobs and “extracurriculars.” I believe that someone has the ability to focus on multiple tasks at once; however, I believe that narrowing down this list of competencies is ultimately what leads to the greatest success of an individual within a population. While there are many examples of individuals that have achieved great accomplishments, across diverse disciplines, most of the renowned scientists, artists, leaders, and thinkers in history are known for one or two great accomplishments within their life. I’m sure there exist examples of people that by happenstance or circumstance achieved many remarkable accomplishments, but life is confined to a century (at least historically). Most of history’s most celebrated accomplishments were likely formed from many long hours, many dedicated years, to that specialty or a compounding of the knowledge from one area to another. Again, there exist chance and happenstance, but preparation increases favorable outcomes.

Finding and then committing to one or two areas of specialty is not easy, especially in our fast-paced, modern system. There is also a societal pressure to be “well-rounded,” but this is not rewarded (at least not monetarily) in our society. Mr. Jack of all trades, master of none is easily replaceable–he does not offer a competitive skillset.

What was trendy yesterday is no longer “cool” or special. Generation Z tries so hard to be special. We can see the challenge of specialization proliferated throughout the younger demographics, especially apparent as students transition into adult life. The stereotypical college student that changes his degree midway through his education is not an uncommon reality. During this period of our lives so much of the world is opening up to us as we’re still discovering our personal inclinations and unique passions. For students that still struggle with productivity, this process of discovering specialty can persist well into adulthood, if ever ending.

The significance of this is why it has been on my mind so much recently. As I progress through my university education, my goal is to continue my exploration, but I will gradually begin to narrow my focus down into a specialty. To achieve my ambition and reach the point I want to be at within my career I expect that I will be required to not only know a diverse list of insights, but that I will also require high level, Specialty skills.

Here is a quote from Modern Wisdom #738:

“‘So unbalanced’ I remember I took that as such an insult for such a long period of time. Now, part of that is because when I was being brought up, balance was one of the big frames in my household, like ‘you have to be balanced’–which really meant you have to be awesome at everything… But balanced was the word, so being unbalanced was a term that was used as an insult. So, for so many years I wanted to be balanced, but then I was like ‘nothing great was ever achieved by people that try and be great at all things’…” (Williamson, #738 – 1:04:20).

I will not quote the whole conversation, but their conversation for those few minutes work perfectly with what I said above.

Going an inch wide, but a mile deep best describes how I have learned and developed skills. My goal is to specialize myself so that, in one day, one week, one year, no one could get to the point where they out do me better than me. If I can then apply this specialization professionally, I know that I will achieve great career success. And, that is where I will end this week!

The goal of 2024–find a specialty I can commit to.

The goal of 2025– see how far I can get with focus.

Additionally,

As I have begun my second semester in college, the endlessness of work and deadlines has prompted me to doubt myself and fear the person that I really am. I believe that I’m still within the developmental stages of becoming the person that I want to become. This is a very delicate time, at least psychologically. The significance of my worries might be more or less irrelevant, but that is not necessarily how they feel.

Modern wisdom #736 shares some good insight here:

“Dismissive humor is our friend in situations, and I will prepare people for that because it is inevitable. If you have these voices in your head, if you have worked very hard to get them out of your head, that is the victory. The victory is not that they never encroach back in…” (Williamson, #736 – 58:40).

This has been Tristan from HQ, it always will be Tristan. I will catch you later. Have a good week y’all!

Citation

Williamson, Chris, host. “#736 – Dr. Paul Conti – How To Fix Your Negative Inner Thoughts” Modern Wisdom, Spotify, 25 Jan. 2024, https://open.spotify.com/episode/3aX03qe0VLq2qkBqCO8sZW?si=c7566658e91a4cc4. Accessed 4 Jan. 2024.

Williamson, Chris, host. “#738 – Alex Hormozi – 21 Brutally Honest Lessons About Life” Modern Wisdom, Spotify, 29 Jan. 2024, https://open.spotify.com/episode/6vSvpvgwFifOxEvwYZyD3O?si=3056d47ac8ea48e8. Accessed 4 Jan. 2024.

Yellow! – That’s a color and a way of saying hi.

This week I want to talk about some of the ideas that have been on my mind the last few weeks. I am going to keep this week simple because I have many-a-task to complete this week. Let’s just relax together and share some ideas.

I have two ideas that I would like to focus on today–social currency and my theory of “minimum perceived impact”

First, I want to talk about school. I have been thinking a lot about education… too much about education. I have let it take over my life actually…

Having written the last few sentences, I have come to a realization about the power that I have given education over my life recently, but that is not the focus of this blog today…

I just started my second semester of college, and I want to highlight the beauty of pursuing education, more specifically traditional education. What college has done for me, even before a degree is remarkable

I have just started my second semester of college. Feeling the energy of the campus, seeing all of the knowledge, and having access to as many resources as I have time is simply indescribable. Honestly, I am slightly overwhelmed because there are endless opportunities in front of me and countless interesting people to meet, and I already have a full schedule of things that I have committed to. I know that where I am, I can get introduced to any career, find people with many skills, and I can do work (study, network, inquire) without restrictions on space and connection… this is how it feels at least. I do not currently attend any fancy college, but I am still given many resources that were not available to me previously.

Being isolated in a room (as predominates my history) makes it difficult to gauge goals. When the only energy is the internal energy I create, I often lose sight of what I am after and why I am after it. A school full of students getting after it makes it so that I can not forget!

Let’s get into social currency first.

I am sure that there is a whole book devoted to this topic or an analogous, but I have not read that book, and I might not ever read that book. Here is my basic idea: 

The idea is that social currency is the money, connections, knowledge or achievement that makes an individual valuable in a population.

There are hierarchies–more on hierarchies in my second idea–that we can get to and these levels compound social value. I have noticed that these hierarchies are influenced by many factors. These will include what an individual can provide (things above) but they can also include age, background, gender, and race… as much popular culture will try to deny their relevance.

“There is a 10-20% that drives the 80%” (Chris Williamson #695 – 43:40) is something that I can not get off my mind. Again, going back to productivity, those that even put 20% more into their work over time will stand out dramatically. Every moment is so precious because it could mean the difference between a “yes” or a “no” that leads to the next evolution along the social hierarchy. The sooner we can develop to the higher levels, the sooner we have more resources to develop further along the hierarchy. This is important to both academic and professional lines. This is what I attribute to those that seem like they are on another plane of reality. They have surpassed the lower levels that most people linger on a long time ago. They can then stop devoting so much cognitive energy to the 80% that does not produce change. They can then devote more of themselves to the valuable 20%. Having to make dinner is necessary, but if we can afford to have someone else prepare our meals, we can do the tasks that are important to our social currency. This is mentioned in Modern Wisdom #713 with Rob Henderson and episode #717 with Jeremy Boering episode (previously mentioned in post #17).

I was writing for one of my essays and I was thinking about the inequality for opportunities distributed to those across the social hierarchy. This is the idea that I named “The Minimum Perceived Impact.”

This is the theory that until one reaches a minimum threshold, their actions do not have enough impact to elicit a social reaction. The basic idea is that those at the bottom are misrepresented in their impact because they focus their time on the 80% mentioned above. Where this threshold is I will leave for another day. I genuinely do not know, and like many theories, when applied in reality, it likely has many contributing factors. This is most interesting because this threshold defines how we write our history, it nominates those that our cultures idolize, and it establishes our politics and our whole social future as a species.

The origin for this theory is the idea that those at the top receive almost all of the recognition because they have the greatest access to opportunities. For example, someone that inherited a large sum of money does not have to work a 9-5 job every week. As a consequence, if they are determined, they can spend that additional 40 hours a week writing a book or doing research or studying… or any task that improves their social currency. Most “everyday people” will never be given the opportunity to apply to their dream university or write a specialty book or start a business. It might seem like common sense, but this is a cruel reality. Realizing the misfortune of the disregarded majority, should I not question how I am impressed? I guess this is just the inequality that comes along with a capitalist system. Being clear, I do not oppose the system. I have just noticed how imbalanced the system can be. Since the human brain draws many comparisons and simplifies information into categories, it can be easy to ignore the mundane lives of most individuals. I think it is alright to ignore, but I believe it is too often that we ascribe inferiority to situations that were predominantly determined by circumstances. On the other side, I fear that we give too much praise to those at the top. Many deserve their accomplishments, but again, circumstances contribute to every outcome. It is simply too harsh for me to accept. Of a thousand examples, I first think of the teen mother, thrust into a life of chaos at an early age. She very well could but might never receive a single accolade or recognition that someone working half as hard for the same company might.

This is the hierarchy of life…

Additionally,

I wanted to quickly mention the idea of a side hustle. This is a popular idea for all the individuals trying to compete in our fierce social and economic world, but I also believe that this is how people have operated for a millenia. There seems to be a natural flow to having a main job and an extracurricular. The job is the consistent routine that allows us to survive and the extracurricular is an independent output that allows us to develop outside or in conjunction to our job. The categories for each are very broad and will vary from individual to individual, but it seems like most people have this lifestyle. Some might have multiple extracurriculars. In this context, I do not know if it is possible to have more than one job. I think after the first, everything else becomes secondary. For a mother it might look like a 9-5 and taking care of the kids. For a young guy it might be being a full time student while writing a blog… Just another idea. My final for the night.

That is all for this week… Do not fear! I will be back next week!

It has been Tristan from HQ… It will always be Tristan. It is time to sleep! Signing off!

Citation

Williamson, Chris, host. “#695 – Codie Sanchez – The Secret Mindset Hack To Become Unstoppable” Modern Wisdom, Spotify, Oct. 2023, https://open.spotify.com/episode/4hky2a3b05G1scBCZp3qmp?si=c01b90ce70894d3e. Accessed 28 Jan. 2024.

Last week the spring semester started…

I do not have time to do anything other than…

This is the price of having ambitions…

This is the price of having ambitions?

I am finding my limits. I like to be pressured, but not having time to study is stressful…

Well, today I am going to finish up those tests and tie up anything that needs to be resolved from the last two weeks of posts.

First, this week I listened to Modern Wisdom #300. This episode is very relevant to the “introspection/ self-analysis” topic, so I will share a few quotes that I found interesting from that episode:

“Why are you here? Like, what’s the reason that you are here? I’ve done it for businesses… to the new entrepreneurs that are listening that have sat down and said ‘so alright, lets talk about the brand values that we’ve got,’ while the people sat around the table haven’t got their own values organized” (Williamson #300 – 15:00).

“Does this reflect who I am and what is important to me? Because so much of what we do in a given day is habitual […] we continue to do these behaviors because we have always done them, they’re so well ingrained. And, so much of the time those things are discordant with what we actually want to achieve or who we want to be, so if we do not address that, we kind of remain on that same course, just through inertia […] So when we get to these various inflection points or forks in the road where we have to actually make a conscious decision, we have to fall back on these things, fall back on our identity and our values to make those decisions to ensure that they are in harmony with what is actually meaningful to us. Because so many of us are just driven by tradition or convention or what we are expected to do or what we are told is important to us” (Williamson #300 – 20:00).

“Look at how many people take personality tests…” (Williamson #300 – 20:50).

“Think about how much life opens up to you when you have that attitude and that mindset and that confidence” (Williamson #300 – 26:15).

“When we do our self-evaluation … self-evaluation should be concerned with only two things: your own values and the goals that you have set for yourself, based on your own values. (Williamson #300 – 50:00).

I liked this definition because I think it helps to more clearly understand intrinsic value:

“What is an intrinsic value?

An intrinsic value is something you value for its own sake.

Put another way, an intrinsic value is something you would still value even if you got absolutely nothing else from it” (Take This Test to Find…).

I am going crazy with the limitations that I have on time this week, so let’s get into the meat!

I am going to list my results from the four tests I have taken up to this point:

Personality:

CEO

Openness – 4/5

Conscientious – 4/5

Extroversion – 3/5

Agreeableness – 1/5

Neuroticism – 2/5

Jungian Type – ENTJ

Enneagram – TYPE 5

Intrinsic Values:

1. That I protect my friends and family

2. That I have children

3. That I maintain self-control and don’t give in to harmful temptation

4. That I maintain hope even in difficult times

5. That I am not wasteful (e.g. with food, time or opportunities)

6. That beautiful things continue to come into existence (e.g. art or music)

7. That I maintain my dignity

Guiding Principles:

1. Family is the most important thing.

2. Hold true to myself even in the face of pressure.

3. Focus on the future not the present.

4. Stand up for what I believe in.

5. My children always come first.

6. Leave the universe in a better condition than I found it.

7. Life is precious.

8. When I can do something good at little cost to myself, do it.

9. Respond thoughtfully, don’t react automatically.

10. Apologize when I’ve done something wrong.

11. Seek to understand others rather than passing shallow judgement.

12. Invest in quality relationships.

13. Strive to be fully present and authentic.

Brainstormed situations where this principle might apply:

University applications

Friendships

With Parents

When talking to my coworkers

When asking myself about the person I am

You identified that these situations have a common feature: Relationships

14. Aim to be flexible, playful, curious and kind.

15. Don’t put off until tomorrow what I can do today.

16. Be open-minded and accepting of other viewpoints.

17. Always look at all available alternatives when making a life choice.

18. Admit when I don’t know something.

19. Keep my body and mind in shape.

20. Enjoy nature and appreciate beauty.

21. Don’t accumulate a lot of unnecessary material items.

22. Don’t worry about what other people think about me.

23. Stay positive.

24. Take responsibility for myself.

25. Avoid unnecessary stress.

Brainstormed situations where this principle might apply:

Being rushed at work

Having too many homework assignments

Not having time in the day to apply my routine

Not having anyone to talk to

Dividing my mind into too many tasks

Not getting enough sleep

You identified that these situations have a common feature: Time/Scheduling

26. Seek truth

27. Do not give yourself excuses

28. Never compromise on the routines that you value

Pleasure:

1.Competition or winning

2.The feeling of loving or being loved

3.Helping other people

4.Taste

5.Laughing or enjoying humor

First, I will start off by saying that this was mostly just a curious exploration, but it is also a marker in time that represents me… or my understanding of myself. I can retake these tests in the future, under different circumstances, and see if my results remain the same or have changed.

I liked the correlations of my intrinsic value categories and conservatism/liberalism. I am learning to like politics, so I might reintroduce this in a later post.

At the end of the results is a “World Values Survey” comparison. I can see that I care more about survival Values and Secular-Rational Values. My intrinsic values were most related to people in Bulgaria. I am noticing other levels or correlations to my ancestry here.

I did not organize these lists to be based on priority. My list of guiding principles is long and very disorganized. 

I could write a whole blog post on each specific result, but I will not continue this series of blog post any time soon. However, If I take too long to reflect on these results, they might not accurately reflect the person I am anymore.

Regardless, I am glad that I did this because although it is very basic conceptually, I think having values written out can lend itself as a very useful resource. I could have told you that I valued friends and family, but I could not have told you that it was at or near the top of my list. I can see where I am right now, even if these results are not entirely accurate, I can confirm that they are more truth than lies.

Also, the pleasure test is super simple, but it has given me some ideas for how I can better relax… relaxing has been difficult for me lately.

This was fun. I want to get to more, but I will save it for another day… I will just add my related ideas in the weeks that follow. While I do not feel like I accomplished what I set out to achieve in these posts, it is time to take a break from introspection. I have something to ruminate on, and when I am ready… and have more time to commit, I will return! 

Thank you for being who you are. I expect to see you and what you value here again next week!

This has been Tristan, it always will be Tristan. Coming to you from HQ. Bye bye!

Citation

“Take This Test to Find out What Your Most Important Values Are!” Page Redirection, programs.clearerthinking.org/intrinsic_values_test.html?_gl=1%2Av5xndx%2A_ga%2AMTAzMzI2NTA3My4xNzA0MjkwMzk2%2A_ga_58RPQ2D860%2AMTcwNDY3NTU5MS41LjEuMTcwNDY3NTc2NC41Ny4wLjA. Accessed 21 Jan. 2024.

“Ultimate Personality Test: Unveil Your Type.” Page Redirection, programs.clearerthinking.org/personality.html?_gl=1%2A1syc46v%2A_ga%2AMTAzMzI2NTA3My4xNzA0MjkwMzk2%2A_ga_58RPQ2D860%2AMTcwNDY3NTU5MS41LjEuMTcwNDY3NTczNC4xNS4wLjA. Accessed 21 Jan. 2024.

“Uncover Your Guiding Principles.” Page Redirection, programs.clearerthinking.org/uncover_your_guiding_principles.html?_gl=1%2A8ukovp%2A_ga%2AMTAzMzI2NTA3My4xNzA0MjkwMzk2%2A_ga_58RPQ2D860%2AMTcwNDY3NTU5MS41LjEuMTcwNDY3NjQ2OC42MC4wLjA. Accessed 21 Jan. 2024.

Williamson, Chris, host. “#300 – Greg Everett – How To Truly Build Toughness” Modern Wisdom, Spotify, Mar. 2023, https://open.spotify.com/episode/3rgIOJdMo0E8rDaGAzRYiq?si=31ee83c548d0478d. Accessed 20 Jan. 2024.

“Your Greatest Sources of Pleasure.” Page Redirection, programs.clearerthinking.org/sources_of_pleasure.html?_gl=1%2A7fw50p%2A_ga%2AMTAzMzI2NTA3My4xNzA0MjkwMzk2%2A_ga_58RPQ2D860%2AMTcwNDY3NTU5MS41LjEuMTcwNDY3NTYxNC4zNy4wLjA. Accessed 7 Jan. 2024.