Idea that all people have a set point, a destined level of achievement, that they drift towards. Some will overachieve; others will underachieve. I believe that we are all in a current guided by our mind and the modern world to which we are born. I believe that it is the simple outcome of a complex equation, mixed with the unknowns of our universe’s mechanism of probability, that produces the future of all individuals. We are given this equation at birth; somewhere in between a predetermined outcome and the flip of a coin, we ride the wave of enviability towards what destiny has for our fate. How hard do you resist? Can you fight this current?
Referencing Modern Wisdom Ep. #788 (46:00): Going around a roundabout that has your exit closed off and not taking an exit. No matter how fast we drive, we will be going in circles. If we aspire to proceed, we must take an exit and find a new path to the destination we long to arrive at, if that destination even exists. It reminded me of the quote about recognizing and admitting we entered the wrong door instead of spending our whole lives in the wrong room. The beauty of both of these analogies is that they appreciate the fact that going in the wrong direction is not failure. The failure is not adapting. This is very freeing, especially as I transition into a new stage of my life. I am opening a lot of doors. I am going to be given many roads to travel, but none of them are the right or wrong answer to my desitination. Only the next move matters—the now is forever gone.
Adding to that analogy, I was reminded this week—in my hours of driving through Austin—about the “fastlane ediqeite” that I have observed. I mentioned this in blog #40, but it is so much easier to stay behind someone else, even if they are going slower than one might desire to go, because the passivity of following is much less engaging than having an empty road ahead. I think that this extends far beyond driving. I have noticed it from my own experience. As I have recognized my own agency and defined the reality of my own locus of control, there is a new energy required to define the path. It might not be fun or enjoyable to follow a strict degree path, but it is easier than continuously engaging with the meaningfulness of my education. The decision is in my hands; no one is leading me or limiting my pace but me. I can punch the accelerator and go 100 if I desire. The wisdom I gained last semester is that I can choose to go faster than everyone around me. My vehicle allows me to go much faster than the speed limit, but their are associated risks. Not only can the world challenge me in unexpected ways, but if I do not give myself time for maintenance, I will eventually breakdown. In an undramatic display, I broke down at the end of this previous semester, and I am still recovering from the damage to this moment. In reflection, I had no other option but to floor it. I have an option now, so I will remain vigilant about my desires and the pursuits that occur as a result. Have you been in the fast lane before? Have you seen an open road recently?
I am moving my stuff right now, and I just thought about all of the hiccups that I could run into today. We often fear this won’t go right, but that is when we adapt and find a new solution in the moment. That is all life is anyway. The best we can hope for is 80% of the plan to succeed. Anything less than that is loss. Anything more is fortune
“This year has been like hammering on the green. Things went by so quickly.” What does this mean, I do not know exactly, but it was a quote from a dream that I had. In the dream, the monologue was so eloquent and meaningful. My memory of the words said is a discounted interpretation of the fragmented idea that remained upon waking. The significance, however, is tied to the fact that it comes from a dream. The meaning is an analogy to the ease with which a nail can be hammered into fresh, vegetative earth. It is to convey the brevity and smoothness of a nail entering soft soil in contrast to the expected stubbornness of wood. Honestly, this one is kind of lost. I thought it was interesting to be able to quote a phrase from my dream. I have incredible and vivid dreams that enchant my unconscious mind with the most wonderful ideas and fantastical images. The horror is that all of that beauty is lost to the light of day. I try to maintain some reflective practice that allows me to record or document what I can remember, but I can only record what I remember. I can also not easily record the imagined visual, emotional, or drawn out experiences. In my mind, it is a world of its own. It is a vast world that comprises my aspirations, stressors, fears, traumas, invisions, expectations, desires, and creativity. A world of its own.
“They say that everyone has their own idiosyncrasies, right? Each person has their own share of flaws. There is always something about them that can give rise to criticism.” (Oshinoko Ep. 7) I have been watching this anime, and just like my step-father mentioned when he recommended it too me, it is pleasantly surprising. This is another anime, but it is somewhat of a new viewing experience for me, and I am enjoying it! I think about this quote very often… not this specific quote, but the message it relates to. I think ‘perfection” is a very polar ideal. It is an ideal that can possibly never be met, but in the quest, the quest for perfection, something is lost. This, in my mind, is something of a yin and yang situation. For the absolute for which me am seeking, the general ambition of perfection, we must sacrifice novelty. We must sacrifice the abstract beauty of mistakes. Within human social development—idiosyncrasies—we can never simultaneously be the best of every type. For example, from how I see the world, peak confidence does not come with bountiful humility. They may exist on different spectra, and I personally believe that they do. I also believe that they are fatalistically linked. In a similar sense, I believe that political ideologies are fatalistically linked. A ‘right’ or a ‘wrong’ do not exist. Our world is made up of a four-dimensional pendulum that seeks balance but has no preference. Up and down on an infinity of seesaws, forever only going up and down, but at the mercy of change, that is time.
That is all that I have for this week. I expect to ‘discontinue’ this blog at the year’s anniversary mark. I have lost my motivation to write weekly posts, and I want to transition my creative writing and my overall artistic energies towards a new, personally more engaging medium. For this, I am preparing YouTube to be my new avenue of expression. Just like I mentioned above, I am in a room. This room is not right or wrong, but I am prepared to open a new door now. I am prepared to take the exit. It has been a wonderful teaching experience and an incredible documentation of an incredible journey.
This has been Tristan. It always will be Tristan, the one and only. Bye!