I want to be that infectiously positive person. That one person that never seems like they are having a bad day because they are genuinely so happy and positive that they don’t let things get them down. The kind of person you just want to talk to, even if you have nothing to talk about, simply because their presence makes you feel good inside. A light that brightens the whole room. We have all met this person once before, even if their presence now feels like it was dreamed.
I have been thinking about my environment and the environments I have observed recently. I am a student, and I am preparing to transfer to university next year. College and university, regardless of prestige, have an atmosphere that to me is almost daunting. It is intimidating for me–a freshman, an outsider–to observe high level individuals. People that are strong and passionate; History that has deep roots and forms complex relationships; To witness all the power and potential that is not solely within my control is discomforting. It is the knowing that everyone around me has secrets, many secrets and stories that life itself is too short to experience all but a few. Everyone has these unique tools and competencies and abilities. I have my own too, I must acknowledge this, but is it not natural to fear what we do not know? Is it not natural to fear the mind of another person who might have as many if not more desires and conscious intentions as I do? To know that I am surrounded by an institution formed from the deep inspiration for education by many with actionable knowledge. Like I mentioned, I think what causes me this negative pressure is knowing that within every room and within every individual person lies a mystery I am uninvited to solve or even be cognizant of. These are the temporary feelings of the unfledged.
A school of high prestige carries with it not only an increased pressure but also something unique that I am struggling to put into words. Prestige creates an environment where these unique secrets, tools, abilities, and knowledge maintain a consistency that allows for amazingly beautiful interactions. Incredible competition and also a limitless unity created by the collection of so many passionate people. This ambient power is what I am struggling to put into words
My intimidation is not the focus of discussion today. This is simply one effect that is easily perceived and my be relatable. This intimidation comes from a power and expectation that I am simply maladjusted. I have not yet been implanted in the mentioned atmosphere long enough to adapt to all the dense energy.
I have come to the painful realization recently that I am trying to output dense energy–I am trying to exceed to a high level–while the world around me is not. Like principles of dissipation, I am giving large amounts of energy to concentrate my ambition and it is being diluted by the water I am swimming in. I do not want to complain or come off as petulant, but my home and work environments are passion-consuming. They have in the better of times given me energy and motivated me to do more by supplying me with foundations, but as I ascend my personal ladder, they have felt restraining–even in the fairer times.
Have you heard the quote, “You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with?” While I believe this is only vaguely true, anecdotally, I know two things to be consistently true: The people we surround ourselves with either discourage or empower us, and one’s relationships communicate much of who they are. The absolute nature of these statements can be contested, but this observation has helped me to realize that I have not equipped myself with the external energy needed to necessitate my ambition.
I have learned from my assigned psychology reading that emotion is biopsychosocial. Essentially, in vague terms, this means that how we feel and think is affected by multiple factors: put simply, we are a product of our body, our mind, and the world around us. I am new to psychology, so for now, I will only describe the significance of the biopsychosocial model in my context. Ignoring the body for today, I have desperately worked to best my mind over the past year. For a long time, I would only fluctuate, but recently, I have made a noticeable change–a significant growth. However, this growth of my mind does not have immediate returns toward the growth of my environment. This is constrained by time, and accepting that I must be patient has been difficult. It has caused me to doubt and to worry about something that has not had time to form and really does not yet exist.
I must mention Modern Wisdom again. I told you that it would be referenced again, did I not? Contained in episode #688 is pure gold, at least to my ears it is. If I had the time, I would write a book about the conversation they had… about a book. Seriously one of the most eye opening pieces of media I have ever come across. It is so direct toward what I am feeling, with incredible focus and clarity. “The lonely chapter” as Chris describes it (00:58:30), is the phase I have begun to struggle down and relates to the previous paragraph. As it is described, this is the in between, lonely period that results as a person transitions social hierarchies. We must detach (at least somewhat) before we can grow, and this intermediate time is the most painful. This is just one of the many great ideas contextualized in that episode. Many of which complete or overlap ideas of my own. I need to write a book!
Without sounding any more like a sponsor, I can not recommend this episode enough, and I will likely come back to it in the future.
I say all this to say that I, like most people, feed off of what I perceive around me, whether it is conscious or unconscious. For my best, most positive self, I need to supply myself with the best and most positive environment.
I will make a greater effort to smile more and be that infectious cure. Would we all not like to smile more? Within these thoughts I know is the path toward living my happiest life. I will continue to excavate.
Until next week, Tristan from HQ, the happiest guy you know, is signing off. Have a good week y’all!
Citation
Williamson, Chris, director. #688 – Steven Bartlett – 17 Raw Lessons About Human Nature. Spotify, 2 Oct. 2023, https://open.spotify.com/episode/0NsF1BSmU63MRbuNTzUUEv?si=e8bccdb9bf9b45bf. Accessed 5 Nov. 2023.