I am going to keep things brief this week. As you will read later, I got sick. I have also just been in another country, so I gave myself some unfamiliar leniency this week. I love it, and I hate it. Enjoy!
My random thoughts this week:
That moment when you do something and wonder why you didn’t do it sooner. I try my best to jumpstart or be proactive about both the small and the big tasks that I need to complete.
I am trying to evaluate what causes me anxiety. Is it the fear of failure? the loss of energy to work? The loss of precious time. or maybe even a few, that success will cause me to lose that which I love most. In this moment, I can only do or refrain from, cowering from, my future. A predetermined reality is not exempt from possibility, but I disregard my mistakes as solely my own. Withhold reality’s pain as my own, independent of the cruelty that is life itself. Despite my awareness, despite the meaninglessness that deep down correlates to the possible existence of reality, I continue to fear. Fear fear itself. My fear, I fear, fears the fear, and I’m afraid.
It’s been a while since I’ve been sick. However, there are some comforts gained from these moments that are superior to many others. It felt that way… until I developed a chronic sinus headache from my runny nose…
There is someone that I want to talk to, but I don’t know who they are. Do you know who it is?
Are you motivated by the act or by the consequence given as a result of the action?
Host Family Experiences
My host family experience was far from perfect, but I made unforgettable memories. Being a true 外国人, I lost my train ticket on the way to my host family’s home. From the very beginning, my host sister and her family were very nurturing and genuinely compassionate. Having to experience the hour-long train commute after school each day made me appreciate and reflect on my own experience with my daily commutes in Austin. The cultural and systemic reliance on cars in the United States makes daily train rides a foreign commodity that I am quickly becoming accustomed to. Throughout this whole experience in Japan, my perception of what Japan is has been challenged. Personally, I have come to the conclusion that, in comparison to the United States, Japan is neither superior nor inferior, but this country is just another region of the Earth inhabited by familiar humans. My host family’s home was charming, and from their balcony, an incredible view of Itami Airport and a calm river were displayed. We made takoyaki from scratch that night. I really enjoyed making takoyaki with my host family. Concluding the night, we watched Japanese television, watched anime, and shared music. I prepared for bed, and before going to sleep, I remembered to give them my cross-continental gift. The whole family enjoyed my Texas memorabilia and snacks. That night, I developed a fever, and after an adventurous morning to the beautiful blue Shiunzan Nakayama-dera Temple and the local mall, I had to be driven back to the Kansai Gaidai University dorms. Yes, a short but very enriching experience in a country with which I am newly acquainted.
私のあたらしいかぞくといっしょにたこやきをりょうりしました。ねこがいます。ねこのなまえはチップーです。日本語のみのアニメ、ワンピースのえがをみました。土曜日の朝私はなっとうあじがしました。ゆずきさん「私のホストシスター」はなっとうが大好きです。大本山・中山寺にいきました。そのあと、ぎょうざとあったたかいうどんをたべました。おいしいでした！