Hi, Hi
Today, I want to talk about my unexpected response to having new roommates, the uncertainty that I am feeling from nearing the end of a life chapter, who I give authority for my validation to, my “depressive February,” my plans for the end of 2024 and beginning of 2025, and my thoughts on “enjoying life” and letting genuine emotion be my guide.
This title of this post leads me—or leads you—right into the focus this week—persuasion. If I am being honest, I want to talk about manipulation, but persuasion has a more positive connotation. Did I manipulate you with my selective word choice? Let’s talk about it.
I am so tired of the social game that we play as humans, or at least the game that I have been playing—maybe I am the fool.
Let’s start with the semantics.
The Google definition for persuasion (to persuade) is: “cause (someone) to do something through reasoning or argument.”
The Google definition for manipulation (to manipulate) is: “control or influence (a person or situation) cleverly, unfairly, or unscrupulously.”
The power of words and their influence on human reasoning is frightening to me. Taking a step back from the word we choose to describe it, those at the highest level of social ability are very dangerous individuals. Personally, I think that I have a subtle ability to influence others—this might just be my persistence, my certain social ability, or maybe my conscience limits how far I am able to push this. Both manipulation and persuasion are most effective when done inconspicuously. If we tell someone that we want them to do something directly or are forceful, our interaction will be unsuccessful; they might still do it; however, their mind will remain the same. Typing this, I am realizing that there must be a whole book on the psychology of influencing… a hundred probably…
From the definitions above, I would say that persuasion is a form of manipulation. Persuasion is a form of clever manipulation that causes someone to do something through reasoning and argument. I admit, that might have forced that relationship. What I want to emphasize is that these two words are not very distant. Getting back to my original grievance, I have gotten to the point in my life where I am realizing that our societies, all of our relationships, and all of the power in the world are controlled by the balance of these two words. Now for the ironic part, the persuasion…
The ability to form an argument is taught as a secondary skill. We have debate clubs, but we do not have “argument class.” Just like the other social skills, learned at a young age and mature as we grow, the skill of argumentation is continuously tested. If a baby does not get their way at dinner, they yell. If a child does not get the toy he wants, they will repeatedly complain. Then, we might mature some. As students, we might begin to use evidence and reasoning to navigate unwanted situations.
I guess that I have gotten to the point where I feel the social pressure to do more than reason to inspire others to act in my favor. That sounds so terrible, but we all do it because we are wired with emotions that give us the dimensionality to manipulate and be manipulated. I do not believe that someone has to be consciously aware of what they are doing to be manipulative. I will give an example. The most basic context that I can give is manipulation through sympathy. We could argue that garnering sympathy, even justified sympathy, is a form of manipulation, but if we can gain sympathy, it does influence how others act. So, if we come into work and say, “I have not been sleeping well because my mother is sick,” that statement will gain sympathy. If this statement was a lie, I do not think that we have to argue if it is manipulation, but if it is true, is it manipulation? Is there a more correct word for this type of influence?
Regardless, I hate to do this dance in an attempt to make someone like me, but at some level, I feel required to do this dance because I cannot do anything significant on my own. Since I need the help of others, I need to give them reason to help me; for every relationship, both parties have to be convinced that they are gaining something. Ideally, I would give evidence to convince others, but without support, this evidence requires a great sacrifice.
If you have not guessed by now, the process has made me reflect a lot on who I am and what I am doing. Almost all applications, university applications included, have an evidence section and a persuasion section. We provide all the evidence of the grades and scores that we have previously received as students. Second, we give text statements that are supposed to represent the human behind the screen and their intentions. I believe that manipulation is part of this application process, and I despise it. I despise it, but I also appreciate it—if we only went by numbers, it would not be human.
I have been struggling with this conversation for a while now because it is very present in my life, and I do not know how I should perceive it. All of the words above were written during a single-day period, so take everything I have said with a grain of salt. I will likely have something more or different to say later. I will leave the conversation here for now. I did not fully resolve what I had to say. I need to come back to this when I am better rested.
Additionally,
More people moved into the house that I rent a room in. Initially, I was looking at the cons of this change, but I have realized that there is a lot to appreciate with this change. I will not get into the specifics. The short of the story is that I appreciate being surrounded by new people, and the new people seem to be improving the physical environment of the house and the atmosphere overall. I was looking at it very linearly. I should know by now to not focus on the negative because there are almost always positives that I ignore.
That leads me into “the uncertainty that I am feeling.” I wrote that last night. I think the previous paragraph contextualizes this issue very well, and I do not really want to talk about this. It is a waste of key strokes.
I have had a pretty low month, and I think that that energy is reflected in these posts. I want to be able to express how I truly feel in these posts, but I do not want to put more negativity into the world. This month has been hard for me, mostly because I have not had the time or energy to maintain the habits that give me structure. I have slowly been chipping away at myself, and I am very worn down right now. Spring Break might just save me, but I am doing too much this semester. There was a time that I was talking about maximizing productivity a few months ago. My caution to anyone who has not experienced this for themselves is: push yourself as hard as you can, but do not fix your schedule beyond your limit. If you find yourself continuously cutting corners, then you have either gone too far or you are doing something wrong. I have dug myself into a hole that I think I am confident that I can get out of, but my current lifestyle is unwise.
In post #26, I mentioned the YCS program that I am a part of. I gained another wisdom the other week from our third meeting. The question is, “Who do you give authority to for your validation?” This question hit me hard because I realized my answer was not healthy. I am giving my validation to people who I do not really know and who do not really know me. Reflecting on this last week, I have realized that I, A, need more supportive people that understand my ambitions in my life, and B, I need to learn how to validate myself.
Why am I already planning for 2025? Although I am very uncertain where I will be at the end of this year, I am planning for 2025 because I already have enough work to last me the rest of the year (I do not know if this is a brag or a cry for help. Maybe I want your sympathy…). I already know that the rest of my spring is going to be dedicated to school and work; most of my summer is going to be dedicated to learning Japanese; I am going to have to move before the fall; I have at least two large art projects to finish; and then I will be starting school in the fall. I am going to have to slow down in some part of my life in 2025 if I want to grow as a whole. Will it be work? Will it be language? Will it be blogging…? Never!
I will leave “my thoughts on ‘enjoying life’ and letting genuine emotion be my guide” for the start of next week.
Thank you. Thank you!
Always Tristan, I will see you all next week! Bye.