This week, I am crossing streams again, but I do not think you will be disappointed.
This is the extended essay Question that I chose for my University of Chicago Extended essay:
“Where have all the flowers gone?” – Pete Seeger. Pick a question from a song title or lyric and give it your best answer.
My song of choice today is “Who’s Lovin’ You” by The Jackson 5
Fair warning: the answer to this question is going to be explorative and personal. I believe that Michael Jackson was too young to understand all that he was singing, but he was a phenom, so I will never really know. Immediately, most would assign “who is loving you” to an external person or relationship. Even within this interpretation alone, we might ask more specifically, “Who else loves you?” “Who loves you more than me?” or “Where did you find love?” Breaking this down even further, we must identify the subject that we are asking this question about: is it an individual, an idea, or is the question self-guided?
As I have gone through adult life, I have begun to ask this same question time and time again.
I have asked how one loves another; I have asked what allows someone to be loved; I have asked where love can be found; and I have asked how much love can be taken. Again, these questions can be applied to relationships between two things (individuals, institutions, communities, ideas, i.e.). As it pertains to university admissions, I have long wondered how to acquire that love. I have pondered the initiative that leads to the connection between individual and institution. “Who is loving you?” became “Who is loving them?” and then “Who is loving me?” I have spent a lot of time in my own head. It is from this introspection that I have chosen the answer to the question, “Who is loving you?”
If someone asked a 10-year-old me the question, “Who is loving you?” I likely would have responded with “my mother,” “maybe my friends,” and “hopefully my crush.” This is why I believe Michael was too young. For too long, my immaturity guided me solely to find love in the perfect group of people. To feel love, I thought that I was required to surround myself with the perfect environment. From the world, I wanted to fill the disconnect I felt between my family, my peers, and my future. I have slowly realized that if I waited for the perfect environment to feel love, I would never find it. Only within the last few months have I begun to ask myself, “Are you loving you?” For so long, I have given most of my effort to making other people love me. I have restructured my body to represent a “more likable image.” I have taken countless tests to prove to others that I am valid. The answer to the question “Who is loving you?” was never “me.” I have spent a lifetime in my head introspecting, but I almost never took the time to ask myself what I wanted or what I needed to have to love myself. Instead, I solely guided my actions to get love externally from others. I still do not know how to love myself fully, but along my quest to find this, I believe that I will unlock the highest levels of life fulfillment.
As it stands currently, the answer to the question “hopefully one day me.” I am only a man; I require the love and support of other people too, but there are times, like this moment specifically, that I need myself the most. I have people who love me. I have support from my community, but right now, I am the only person who understands me fully. I am the only person who can see my dreams, and I am the only person who can make me feel happy. As I begin the next chapter of my life, I am beyond excited to find all the love around me. I am relieved to be finally finding love in myself.
Additionally,
That above is going to be part of my application. What follows is just for you here now.
The message that I am presenting in that essay is very real. Finding acceptance within myself is a constant battle. I have injected so much of my self-worth into what I can accomplish that I can no longer even see myself. My whole mind is split, melted, and mixed right now.
With these applications, being a full-time student, and balancing my life, I honestly have not even given myself the time to mentally unload 2023… It is February… The last month is all a blur because I have been so focused on my goals that days are not separated. I wake—do what I need to do—go to sleep thinking about what I need to do tomorrow—wake… The last few weeks have felt like one very long day. I am empowered to know that I have the strength to
persist this long, under these conditions (disorganization, almost no personal time, poor sleep, isolation, etc.), but I know that it is killing me—literally. The dark circles under my eyes are becoming an identifying feature. They are so ugly—I am not really commenting on my visual appearance. I thought that I was above being the “sleep-deprived college student.” How the mighty have fallen… How the proud and naive will suffer…
But yeah, I am not loving myself right now. I do not regret the actions that I am taking. I believe that what I am doing is at least mostly necessary, but I do not want to or hope to ever experience this struggle again. It is so fascinating how the human mind can adapt to a gradual decrease in quality of life. If someone took me from a year ago and put him in the situation I am in now, I think he would die… Is this growth… I do not know what this is completely yet.
This reminded me of the concept of putting a frog in water and slowly raising the temperature. Although, from my quick research, this is a myth, the idea is that since the frog is a cold-blooded creature, it will adapt to the increasing temperature until the temperature boils the frog alive. If I am the frog in this analogy, I do not want to reach the boiling point. I do not know how hot the water is around me, and I do not know what temperature I can take, but I do not want to reach that threshold. In post #11, I talked about the cliffs and ledges in life. I think I am close to finding one here. This lifestyle is very risky. Just one more month… Will Tristan last as he comes up on his greatest test yet? Find out in the next installment of “This is his life, and he’s gonna live it your way!”
I cannot write everything that I need to write without some crossover. Expect this style for at least the next couple of weeks. This has been Tristan!
It always will be Tristan. Bye y’all!
Citation
“Uchicago Supplemental Essay Questions.” College Admissions, collegeadmissions.uchicago.edu/apply/uchicago-supplemental-essay-questions. Accessed 17 Feb. 2024.