Completely unrelated to this week’s focus, I listened to Modern Wisdom #719. I wrote my productivity blog and then listened to the perfect podcast on productivity. The distinction I made in productivity and “ambient productivity” is made in this episode as a dopamine vs serotonin version of self. (Williamson 1:10:20). There are many other crossovers I am ignoring today that relate and answer some of the questions posed last week. No more productivity talk this week!
… I am listening to episode #721 currently… another great episode that mentions productivity and leverage. Leverage is the word I was looking for in my last post when describing people at different levels…
The End of Veganism
In the early spring of 2020 for the duration of 3 years and 10 months I was devout.
I can count on one hand the moments that I did not strictly follow this lifestyle over the past 3 years. I think this is something I should be proud of. The morality of discipline is a topic for another day. Regardless, I never ate a single piece of meat. Even as I write this, I am still meat abstinent; however this journey is effectively over. This chapter was not an insignificant one.
I graduated high school as a vegan, moved out as a vegan, earned my first biweekly paycheck as a vegan, and finished my first college semester as a vegan. This chapter of my life I am now writing the final paragraph on and will soon close. New beginnings are upon me. I express fondness over the experience, I have learned a lot, but I burden no solemn emotions as I begin anew. I have not consciously lived long enough to know whether or not life is filled with moments like this or how I should appropriately perceive the end of this chapter. This time has objectively been the greatest period of growth I have ever experienced. From my junior year of high school to now the events of my life have reshaped my core. It is so visceral that it is almost sickening to think about. The past is so clear in hindsight yet every perception I hold is different. I can not imagine living as my high school self again. I know that I hold resent in my heart for the person that I was only three years ago. It is not logical and I can not rationalize how I feel, but I have used this hatred of myself to fuel my reconstruction. Only now, as I write this, am I realizing how caustic this mentality is. Am I someone that will always hate myself on some level? If I was in love with myself, would I be motivated to change? Will I soon hate my vegan self. Do I hate myself now? The answer to these questions I do not know if I am either capable or prepared to introspect.
My resolution is firm, but I am still losing a piece of myself. A piece that for a long time I held close to my self-perception and personal understanding. Veganism is a lifestyle, but for me it had become a way of life, a religious commitment toward the person I desired to be. For its purposes, it has helped me to arrive where I am now, but the person I now desire to be can no longer allow for the restrictions of a vegan diet. It is scary the brain’s ability to adapt and conform thoughts, to maintain beliefs. Only on the other side can we see the yellow grass. “Every belief that I hold is wrong” (Williamson 53:50).
Maybe it is healthier to think of this as a trade and not a loss.
I would not have admitted it only a few months ago, especially not to myself, but veganism had become a quirk of my identity that made me feel unique; being vegan made me feel like I was in some way superior to most people. There is some underlying complex that I am again unprepared to answer to.
I will again be in the seat of change, devaluing something I hold dear to me now. What will it be? This is one reason I am in love with this blog: I can document my thoughts. I can document what I find interesting at this moment. I can document pivotal moments in my life. I can document my inspirations. I can document the knowledge that will bring me to whoever it might be that I am becoming.
If you asked me “why now?”, I would have to tell you that I have hit a wall. I have reached the effective peak that veganism can allow for me. I have gained more knowledge about my body, my values, and nutrition. I achieved “the goal.” I am ready to break the chain. When I was younger, weaker, this chain supported me, but I am strong now. I need to run, so I will unbind myself. The lock is deep inside my brain and attached to every tarsal, it was soon ago. As I have developed dramatically over the last few years, veganism became the only lifestyle. It is a lens through which I shaped the world. To remain faithful, I had to texture my mind to absolutely reject any food that did not fall into the plant based category. Without it I will have to readjust to see, but I will see most clearly soon. Again, I am excited for my next chapter!
I know where I come from and I know where I am now, and it has been a journey. This has been my journey, and I know that there is much more to be had. Being vegan was only one part of my life, but being vegan was a foundational part of me becoming the person I am today. I am excited to release the limitation I placed on myself almost four years ago, but in doing so, I am also releasing a part of my identity. This I know is an improvement, an evolution that I must
My reasons for changing and my warnings:
I felt like my health had at best plateaued. The scary part was when I felt like, despite my best efforts, my health was declining. I had lost a large percentage of body weight during this period. At my heaviest, I was in the high 230s. I currently sit in the low 160s. Veganism alone did not allow me to lose this weight. Veganism gave me the structure to lose this weight. It gave me an introduction to learning nutrition and fitness. I would not want to gatekeep, but I have gone through the tunnel. I am at a point in my journey that makes veganism best left in the past. My advice to anyone trying to lose weight is to focus on surrounding yourself with satiating foods, keeping yourself busy, and finding a diet routine and exercise routine that allows you to make consistent, long term progress. Veganism happened to be trendy and it happened to work for me. Find what works for you.
Yes, I felt like my health was declining. I do not know how much research has been done on veganism and its long term effects. From my understanding, the field of nutrition is filled with shallow understandings of how nutrients, compounds, and chemicals actually affect the body. The interaction within the body when processing and storing nutrients is still an area of ongoing study. I would not be surprised if in the near future we discover chemical balances and biological relationships to food that we are oblivious to today. I might be completely misguided. I will have to do some research.
My next reason is that I am a 20 year old guy that simply wants to build his body. I want to be able to give more in the gym and during my runs. The easiest way for me to ensure that I am meeting my nutritional needs is to diversify my diet.
My third reason is that I want to experience more. The times that I broke my diet I justified either by “giving myself experience” or “not wanting to waste food.” I plan on traveling the world. I want to experience culture. Food is an irrefutable cornerstone of all cultures. I will be traveling to Japan next year. Would I not be foolish to reject a foreign experience in place of my ideology?
Fourth, I want to remove the setbacks and limitations in my life. If I am going to optimize every aspect of my life, I too must optimize my diet. The inconvenience of veganism in my busy life has surpassed its threshold. Having to supplement protein and avoid so many foods requires both a large amount of conscious and physical effort–no longer can I afford this.
My fifth reason is that I have become more educated. I have learned that diversification of whole foods tends to result in the most balanced diets. I have also learned that not all nutrients are made the same. To give a simple example without going too in depth, every protein is made of amino acids. The ratio of these proteins has a direct effect on metabolism. in learning the value of nutrients, specifically proteins and how they are not made equally, I can not justify a vegan restriction any longer.
Finally, I will be able to once again enjoy the foods that I loved and had demonized for so long in order to limit cognitive dissonance. At the time of writing this, I am still just dipping my toes into a vegetarian diet. I still have not gone into a full omnivore diet, and I do not ever again want to divulge into a diet that neglects health for pleasure. That would defeat the purpose of endeavoring on this journey in the first place. I will continue to monitor food quality, calorie intake, added sugar, and artificial/ unnatural additives, but I will not continue to demonize a whole category of food… All this to say that I want to have sour cream again. I want to have sushi. I want to eat rotisserie chicken, and I want to be able to enjoy a vegetable omelet on a cool spring day.
I forget that I am only a man sometimes.
This is all that I have for this week. Most importantly, this is the beginning of something new. I am glad to be able to share this with you… and my future self… ever forward.
As always, this has been Tristan! The one and only, forever me! I’m out. Bye bye!
Citation
Williamson, Chris, host. “#721 – George Mack – Why Can No One Think Rationally Anymore?” Modern Wisdom, Spotify, 18 Dec. 2023, https://open.spotify.com/episode/1XdTjVHlKIqJNOjby6VUkC?si=414a5c35ef9d424f. Accessed 20 Dec. 2023.